By Brandon Butler

A Brief History of Spider-Man in Cinema
THWIP THWIP on the big screen
February 4, 2022Fingerprints on my MacBook
Just give me a damn touch screen already, Apple
September 2, 2021iPhone 12 Pro Pacific Blue Review
Fingerprints are part of the aesthetic
November 5, 2020The Last of Us Part II Review
A tedious, abrasive, but visually stunning story of revenge
July 25, 2020The Blue Shell — The Worst Item in Mario Kart
A design failure that can't be fixed
September 1, 2019Contact

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler

By Brandon Butler

Hi, if you love my writing and want me to to write for you, just send me a message at brandon@pizzaemoji.net. Thanks!

By Brandon Butler

A Brief History of Spider-Man in Cinema
THWIP THWIP on the big screen
February 4, 2022

Spider-Man has been a popular comic book superhero since he first appeared in Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962. Created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, Spidey has been web swinging on the pages of comics and newspapers, in cartoons, television shows, movies, video games, amusement parks, and even on Broadway. This post attempts to catalog Spidey’s first 50 years on the big screen, including behind the scene struggles to produce films, his imprisonment within Sony Pictures, and what the future holds for our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.Spider-Man premiered on film in the 1969 fan film Spider-Man, featuring special visual effects, miniatures, explosions, and stunts performed by a Spider-Man blow-up doll. The climax (at about the ten minute mark) features Spidey swinging after the villainous Dr. Lightning (played by Doctor Doom in a t-shirt) as he attempts to make his escape in a red muscle car. The film was made by amateur filmmaker Donald F. Glut (who also stared as Spidey) and who had previously made several other superhero-related fan films. Glut would later go on to write for the classic 80’s Spider-Man cartoon series and a variety of other cartoons, including an episode of X-Men: The Animated Series. Glut’s Spider-Man fan film was actually screened at the University of Southern California, truly making it the first Spider-Man film shown in a cinema.The first official live-action Spider-Man film was the 1977 CBS TV movie Spider-Man, featuring mind-controlled bad guys and staring Nicholas Hammond as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. The ’77 Spider-Man, while not a true cinematic release, launched a live-action TV series that ran for 13 episodes with impressive (for the time) wire work that gave Spidey his ability to wall crawl. The series also features cheesy dialogue, a disco soundtrack, and bellbottoms. Two theatrical releases were eventually produced for distribution only in Europe by editing together multiple episodes.Also in the late 70’s, Toei Company, a Japanese production company, released their own version of Spider-Man on television and in theaters. While Spider-Man has all of his normal abilities — shooting webs, climbing on walls, Spider Sense, and the classic red-and-blue costume — his extraterrestrial origin and the enemies he faces are entirely unique to Japan. In the 40 episode series, Takuya Yamashiro uses a large wrist device to transform into Spider-Man to fight a monster-of-the-week type villain. Near the end of the fight the monster grows into a giant version of itself, at which point Spider-Man calls down his spaceship that transforms into a giant robot with a sword, and he defeats the monster in a huge explosion. This was a very different Spider-Man created for kids and designed to sell toys, with Spider-Man's robots and cars created out of necessity as a way to finance the show. If all of this is beginning to sound mighty familiar to you, this is probably because Spider-Man's success in Japan heavily influenced the Toei-produced Super Sentai series, better known in the West as Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. When Toei began work on Spider-Man, they put the current Super Sentai series on hiatus for a year. When production resumed, the Battle Fever J team introduced giant mechas to the franchise, a staple of Super Sentai to this day. And later, Spider-Man's transforming robot, Leopardon, would also heavily influence the creation of the Marvel comic book The Transformers (in which Spidey briefly battles Megatron). Stan Lee praised Japan's Spider-Man TV series for the action and special effects, noting that Japan's culture necessitated different approaches to the traditional Marvel character.Back in America in the mid-80's, Stan Lee veto’ed the “Peter Parker transforms into a giant, hairy, eight-armed tarantula and is locked in a basement after refusing to join a mutant master-race” concept at Cannon films. Spider-Man languished in development hell as budgets were slashed repeatedly over the next decade. Due to the failures of Superman IV and Masters of the Universe, Cannon eventually bailed on the whole idea of a superhero movie and the film rights to Spider-Man found their way to 21st Century Film Corp. At one point James Cameron submitted a script draft with Arnold Schwarzenegger attached to play Doc Ock. (Let’s just pause for a moment and imagine the alternate reality where that film was made. Okay, let’s move on.) As part of a severance package from Cannon Films, co-owner Menahem Golan walked away with 21st Century Film Corp. and the film rights to Spider-Man (and Captain America). To get financing for the Spider-Man film, Golan sold the TV, home video, and theatrical rights to three different companies, but of course the film was never made. In 1995 a judge ruled that the film rights as originally sold to Cannon had now reverted back to Marvel, but a year later, with the entire comics industry hurting, Marvel filed for bankruptcy. With the bankruptcy came the ToyBiz merger, with co-owner Avi Arad becoming Marvel’s CEO. Marvel sold the film rights to their most popular characters for whatever amount they could get in the late 90’s. Sony Pictures picked up the film rights to Spidey in 1999 for a mere $7 million, which is where Spider-Man remains jailed in perpetuity.Staring Toby Maguire and directed by Sam Raimi, 2002’s Spider-Man was a massive success and the first film to earn $100 million in an opening weekend. (I know, how quaint, right?) The original teaser trailer for the film shows a helicopter trapped in a giant spider web strung between the World Trade Center towers, and the original theatrical poster has the towers reflected in the eyes of Spider-Man’s mask. Both trailer and poster were recalled after the 9/11 attacks. In the film, Spider-Man’s classic origin story is played out in full as Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive spider, gains spider-like abilities, watches Uncle Ben die, kisses Mary-Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) while hanging upside down, battles the Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe), saves New York City, and – oh yeah – shoots webbing out of slits in his wrists. Now, spiders don’t shoot webbing out of their little spider legs, they actually pull webbing from their – well, it doesn’t matter, the film was a huge hit.The 2004 sequel Spider-Man 2 featured Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus and focused on Peter Parker’s desire to be “Spider-Man No More!” (a plot thread largely influenced by Amazing Spider-Man #50). The film was made so long ago that it was cheaper to use practical tentacles for many of the shots of Doc Ock instead of computer visual effects. This movie was another huge hit, remaining the top rated live-action Spider-Man film until 2021.Then Spider-Man 3 somehow happened. In the film, Spidey takes on Sandman, the Goblin, and Venom, while also dancing and pointing at women on a crowded New York sidewalk. 2007 was a bad year for Spider-Man. Sam Raimi’s rein on theatrical Spider-Man films is finally put to a stop after this train wreck, and a planned Part 4 will never see the light of day. Spider-Man is officially rebooted just five years later.The Amazing Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb and staring Andrew Garfield, is another big success in the Spider-Man franchise despite re-treading the same origin story audiences saw just a decade earlier. Future Academy Award winner Emma Stone stars as Gwen Stacy, replacing MJ as Peter’s love interest, and the Lizard (Rhys Ifans) is the new solo villain. Amazing features the return of Peter’s self-designed, artificial web shooters and the first time Peter’s parents are seen on film before ominously disappearing. There were many plot threads left open by the end of the film and many characters in the shadows we never see, with the clear intention of building a Spider-Man Cinematic Universe to compete with the growing popularity of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.The Amazing Spider-Man 2 forces audiences to sit through 141 minutes of fake teen relationship drama no one wants to see in a superhero movie. Electro (Jamie Foxx) and the Green Goblin (Dane DeHaan) are Spidey’s foes this time around, while Black Cat and the Rhino make some blink-and-you-miss-them cameos. More backstory is revealed about the disappearance of Peter’s parents, but before all the mysteries are revealed the film is over and the bad reviews are out.The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was supposed to be a major launchpad for Sony’s Spider-Man Cinematic Universe, with Venom, the Sinister Six, Black Cat, Spider-Man 2099, and two additional Garfield-staring Spider-Man films planned and in various early stages of production. However, after Amazing 2's poor box office performance and lackluster audience and critic reviews, Sony needed help. Amy Pascal, at the time a top executive at Sony Pictures, called Marvel's Kevin Feige (who had produced previous Spider-Man films but had not been part of Amazing Spider-Man 2's production) and asked for help on producing the next Spider-Man film. Feige pitched the idea of Tony Stark making Spidey's suit, ultimately bringing Spider-Man into the sprawling MCU. Eventually, Pascal agreed, and Sony's Spider-Man Cinematic Universe was shelved.in 2014, eighteen year old new-comer Tom Holland is cast as Spider-Man in Captain America: Civil War. Spidey finally joins Iron-Man, Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Ant-Man, Scarlet Witch, Winter Soldier, Falcon, War Machine, Vision, and (also making his MCU debut) Black Panther, in a German airport to fight against Cap as he attempts to track down the man who has brainwashed Bucky and caused the death of— you know what? The plot of Civil War is pretty convoluted. Spider-Man, however, makes a huge introduction to the MCU in this film. Peter Parker is young and funny, throwing classic Spidey quips during the battle, and the new Stark Suit is Very Cool (the re-sizing of the eyes allow for expression in the mask that hasn’t been seen on film before). Holland is introduced at almost exactly the half-way mark of Civil War (wearing a pizza t-shirt) and through a six minute chat with Tony Stark the audience skips the “bit-by-a-spider” origin story and we’re off to Germany. The chemistry between Tom Holland and Chris Evans, Sam Wilson, and Robert Downey Jr. is proof of the great casting that went into finding Holland for the role. Civil War is another huge success in both the MCU and Spider-Man franchises.Spider-Man: Homecoming picks up immediately after where Civil War left off, with Peter Parker still euphoric over his fight against 50% of the Avengers. Homecoming, produced by both Pascal and Feige, introduces a few new characters to Peter’s world, including best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) and future love interest Michelle, who goes by her initials MJ (Zendaya). Spidey battles Michael Keaton as the Vulture, and Robert Downey Jr. has a $10 million cameo as Iron-Man. Also showing up in cameo form is Donald Glover as Aaron Davis, aka The Prowler, aka Miles Morales’s Uncle, aka Childish Gambino, but so far, Miles has only shown up in animated form (more on that a little further down). Special nod towards Tony Revolori, who shines as Peter’s obnoxious nemesis Flash Thompson. Homecoming showcases Holland’s expert performance at being an awkward geek and a wise-cracking superhero. Missing from the Maguire/Garfield films were those moments in the comics when Spider-Man makes a trademark quip (or two, or twelve) during the fight with the villain. The audience also gets much more screen time with Spider-Man in-costume as the origin of his powers (and the explanation for where this bright red and blue suit magically appears from) have already been satisfactorily explained in Civil War. The MCU seems tired of retreading long, overplayed origin stories at this point and we’re now bee-lining into original stories with our heroes. No complaints here!Spider-Man’s next MCU appearance will be the massive Avengers: Infinity War spectacle in 2018 and the following year’s Avengers: Endgame. In Infinity War, Spidey heads to space with Iron-Man and Doctor Strange where he meets up with the Guardians of the Galaxy to battle Thanos. Star Lord goes off-script and Thanos defeats the team in space before heading to Earth to complete his collection of Infinity Stones. With the snap of his fingers, Thanos breaks the heart of every person in the theater as they watch Peter Parker dissolve into dust. Five years of movie time (and one very long real year) pass before Endgame picks up again as the remaining Avengers devise a plan to travel into the past and borrow the Infinity Stones from previous MCU films. The Avengers snap-back everyone dusted by Thanos, who’s past self shows up to try the whole snapping plan again. Spider-Man joins the Avengers and almost everyone else from every other MCU film as they fight the big purple guy once more and his massive army of Chitauri. Tony Stark sacrifices himself to save the world, proclaiming once again that he is Iron-Man. The Earth’s Mightiest Heroes hold a funeral for their fallen friend.Spider-Man: Far from Home picks up just days after the events Endgame, coining the disappearance and reappearance of those affected by Thanos’s snap as “the blip.” Conveniently, all of Peter’s classmates are blipped, so they all return for the sequel. The class takes a little field trip to Europe, where Spider-Man meets a version of Nick Fury and Maria Hill, and encounters new BFF Quentin Beck/new arch-nemesis Mysterio. Spider-Man is given special Tony Stark designed spectacles, called E.D.I.T.H., that can summon killer drones and hack smartphones. Peter also self-designs a new black and red suit in a homage to the original Iron-Man suit design montage, complete with “Back in Black” soundtrack. (Happy gets the reference.) By the end of the film Peter’s secret identity is now known by Happy Hogan, Aunt May, Ned, MJ, Mysterio, everyone working at S.H.I.E.L.D, everyone fired from Stark Industries, and, oh right, the entire planet, as J. Jonah Jameson (J. K. Simmons, reprising his role from the Toby Maguire films) shares Beck’s final parting words with all of New York: “Spider-Man’s name is Peter Parker!”Shortly after Far from Home crossed the billion dollar box office mark, a new record for a Spider-Man film, Marvel and Sony announced they had been unable to reach a new agreement to continue co-producing future Spider-Man films. Spidey would exit the MCU, and Sony would return to independently producing future Spider-Man films, keeping Tom Holland as Spidey. A few weeks later, Marvel and Sony announced a new agreement had finally been reached, with Marvel co-producing the next Spider-Man film. Financially, Marvel’s parent company, The Walt Disney Company, will be footing 25% of the cost of production and taking 25% of the box office haul – and as Far from Home has proven, 25% of a Spider-Man box office is still a massive payday, even for Disney.This was an important agreement for Disney to make. With the Marvel lands opening at various Disney Parks over the next couple of years, and the Spider-Man ride specifically swinging into Disney California Adventure in 2021, getting Spidey back into the MCU was a must. The story as Disney CEO Bob Iger tells it is Tom Holland called him on the phone about the deal with Sony and encouraged him to fix it. Iger called Sony and he said, “we have to get this done, for Tom and for the fans.” And to both of these massive corporation's credit, they did.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic) released on December 17th, 2021, co-produced by Marvel and Sony, with Tom Holland returning for the sixth time as Spidey. Joining him are Zendaya as MJ, Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Jon Favreau as Happy, Jacob Batalon as Ned, Marisa Tomei as Aunt May, Benedict Wong as Wong, Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin, Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, Jamie Foxx as Electro, Rhys Ifans as the Lizard, Thomas Haden Church as Sandman, and with Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield returning as their multiverse Spider-Man counterparts from the previous Sony francises. (In the script, they're referred to as Raimi-Verse Peter and Webb-Verse Peter, after the names of the previous film's directors.) In the film, Peter Parker attempts to undo his public outing as Spider-Man with the help of "Mr. Strange" but the spell goes awry, tearing open the walls between the multiverse and attracting both friend and foe from universes beyond Peter's own. The film spends a great deal of time tying up loose threads from the previous Spider-Man franchises and allowing previous heroes and villains to make amends with their past. Working together, the three Spider-Men are able to cure the five villains, but repairing the multiverse causes the entire world to forget Peter Parker, including Ned and MJ. This is also the first time in the MCU a character says the line, "with great power, comes great responsibility". Even during an exceptionally deadly rise in the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, No Way Home became the sixth highest grossing film of all time, earning over $1.7 billion worldwide. It was the highest grossing film of 2021, the highest grossing Spider-Man film, and Sony's highest grossing film of all time — all from a $7 million purchase in 1999. Critics and audiences praised the film's actors, direction, and visual effects.Shortly before No Way Home premiered, Holland stated that playing Spider-Man as a thirty year old meant he had "done something wrong" during his career and that No Way Home was the final film in his Spidey contract, highly suggesting he was exiting the role sooner rather than later. However, a few weeks later Sony producer Amy Pascal stated that work had begun a new trilogy of Spider-Man films with Holland, with Marvel producer Kevin Feige promising the partnership between Disney and Sony would continue through this new trilogy. The details on Holland's contract are vague, but it's safe to assume there's a future Avenger's clause somewhere in it.Speaking of future MCU films, Jon Watts — director of the three most recent MCU Spidey films — will be directing the MCU's Fantastic Four. No cast or date has been announced, but 2023 sounds like a reasonable timetable for release. I mention this only because the inclusion of Tom Holland as Spider-Man seems like an obvious pairing of the heroes. Putting Spidey in the Fantastic Four gives Marvel's First Family a huge introduction and, maybe most importantly, sets it apart from previous FF films that have not been super successful (or good). Telling a story with the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man is something never before seen on the big screen, and the possibilities of putting a paper bag over Tom Holland's head are endless.While we wait for news on the next Spider-Man film, Sony has been working on some other standalone Spider-Man-related projects, some of which have already been released, and some which are releasing soon:Sony released Venom in 2018, a reboot of the character from the Toby Maguire Spider-Man days. Venom stars Tom Hardy as Eddie Brock, a reporter down on his luck who breaks into a medical research center and comes into contact with the symbiote, forming a buddy-cop type relationship. In the comics, much of the character of Venom is based on Spider-Man, but this film version of Venom is not set in any Spider-Man universe, and his film origin shares nothing with the wall crawler. In the comics, the design of Venom is based heavily on Spider-Man. Venom’s eyes, the way he attacks with those tentacle-like globs, his ability to wall crawl, his ability to react to danger – basically everything that makes the character who he is, he learned from Peter Parker as the symbiote. Including, crucially, Peter’s sense of power and responsibility, which changes Venom from the monster that he was into the comic book hero he’s become in recent years. Venom as a standalone character without the Spider-Man origin feels hollow and turns the Venom film into a generic monster movie. Despite Venom receiving mostly negative reviews from critics, it made a lot of money at the box office, so Sony made a sequel.Venom: Let There Be Carnage introduces the Carnage symbiote into Sony's Venom-verse. Serial killer Cletus Kasady (Woody Harrelson) is on death row when he bites Eddie Brock, unknowingly infecting himself with the symbiote. In the comics, Spidey and Venom often team up to defeat Carnage, but the film version of Venom manages to eek out a win. By the end of the film, Eddie Brock is a wanted fugitive and leaves the country. While staying in a dingy motel, he's transported to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where he sees the news of Peter Parker being outed as Spider-Man. Hardy makes an uncredited cameo during an end credit scene of No Way Home in which Eddie Brock is sent back to his own dimension, but a tiny droplet of the Venom symbiote is left behind in the MCU.Tom Holland filmed a Spider-Man cameo for the first Venom film but Marvel asked Sony to remove it. With the new agreement between the studios, Sony will be allowed to use Holland’s Spider-Man in their non-MCU films, including the brief cameo at the end of Let There Be Carnage and possibly in the upcoming Morbius film starring Jared Leto. This is Sony’s second attempt at launching a cinematic universe using Marvel’s Spider-Man characters, but while the films are not considered canon in the MCU, Sony considers the MCU events canon for their films. Confusing? Think of it like this: Sony's films are fan fiction for the MCU.Meanwhile, Sony won an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature with 2018’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, topping Disney's Ralph Breaks the Internet and Disney Pixar's Incredibles 2. This was my favorite film of 2018 (a year with a lot of great movies, including Infinity War) and its Oscar win was well deserved. Into the Spider-Verse finally brings Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) to the Big Screen, telling a Spider-Man story with real heart, humor, and stunning animation. Swinging along with Miles is Peter B. Parker/Spider-Man (Jake Johnson), but a kind of washed up, out of shape, down on his luck Spider-Man who recently suffered a breakup with MJ. Gwen Stacy, aka Spider-Gwen (Hailee Steinfeld), Spider-Man Noir (Nicolas Cage), the anime-inspired Peni Parker (Kimiko Glenn) and her SP//dr mech, and Peter Porker/Spider-Ham (John Mulaney) also help Miles as he fights the Kingpin (Liev Schreiber) and Doctor Olivia "Liv" Octavius (Kathryn Hahn), saving the world from a collapse/explosion of the (animated) multiverse. Multiple Spider-Verse sequels are already in production, including a direct sequel Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse releasing in two parts — Part One on October 7, 2022 and part Two in 2023 — with Miles and Gwen being joined by Jessica Drew/Spider-Woman (Issa Rae), Miguel O'Hara/Spider-Man 2099 (Oscar Isaac), and Takuya Yamashiro, the Spider-Man from Toei's Japanese Spider-Man series. I mean, how great is this movie going to be? Additionally, a Spider-Women spin-off with Gwen, Jessica Drew, and Cindy Moon (Silk) is also in development. I highly recommend watching Into the Spider-Verse on the biggest, highest-definition screen you can find with HDR enabled — it's an absolutely beautiful film.In 2021, the Marvel Cinematic Universe entered Stage 4 with new heroes, new movies, and new streaming series on Disney+ (Spider-Man appears in the Disney+ series What If... as Zombie Hunter Spider-Man). Marvel and Sony have a unique opportunity to work together and share these fan-favorite characters to tell stories of power and responsibility that have never before been told on screen. As long as Marvel and Sony can continue their Spider-Partnership, and as long as audiences continue going to the movies in record numbers, the cinematic future of our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man has never been more amazing.

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler

By Brandon Butler

Fingerprints on my MacBook
Just give me a damn touch screen already, Apple
September 2, 2021

I can’t stop touching my MacBook's screen. With Big Sur, Apple's latest update to MacOS, the buttons and icons feel so big, so... touchable. I’ve never seen anything designed like that for a mouse pointer. They look so much like the buttons and switches on iPadOS — padded and oversized for a thick finger. It just looks so easy to tap and swipe across my Mac's screen.But the Mac doesn’t have a touch screen, and Apple has said they’re not planning on changing that.When macOS Big Sur was previewed at WWDC20 last year, the question on a lot of Mac user's minds was, "are we finally getting touchscreens?"But when the new MacBooks with Apple Silicon were announced, touchscreens were not part of the deal. In an interview with Andrew Griffin for The Independent Apple's Craig Federighi said, “I gotta tell you when we released Big Sur, and these articles started coming out saying, ‘Oh my God, look, Apple is preparing for touch’. I was thinking like, ‘Whoa, why?’ We had designed and evolved the look for macOS in a way that felt most comfortable and natural to us, not remotely considering something about touch."I have one question for Federighi: After a long day of using your iPad and Magic Keyboard, have you ever sat down at your MacBook and tried to tap a browser link or swipe to switch apps? Because I have, repeatedly.macOS 11, aka Big Sur, is designed to be used with a touch screen. Check out those redesigned menus with generous line spacing. No pixel perfect pointing device needs that much space. Mail, Photos, Safari, Pages, all of their buttons and UI elements look designed for a finger. Maybe this is a finer tipped finger than iOS was originally designed for, but we’ve had fifteen years of becoming experts on touching user interfaces. Even if the buttons are smaller than they would be on an iPhone screen, the screen on a MacBook is bigger — there’s built-in room for error.In addition to the macOS redesign, Apple now allows Macs with Apple Silicon to natively run iPadOS apps, and without any re-design needed for a mouse or trackpad. Most iPad apps are designed with a finger in mind, and swiping and pinching are natural motions for these apps — so what's Apple's solution if not a touch screen on the Mac? Using WASD to simulate tilting the device, holding the Options keys for multitouch, and the arrow keys for swiping.Just, why?When I’m using my iPad Pro with the Magic Keyboard, I find it’s often easier to reach up and touch what I’m looking at. Although not always as precise, it’s a faster, more natural motion, and I prefer it. And now, after a few months with my iPad and Magic Keyboard, I find myself doing the exact same thing when working on my MacBook, often with comical results. I’ll reach up and press on the screen. I’ll wait. Nothing happens, so I try again. And still nothing. “What the heck,” I wonder aloud. I press the screen a third time. And then: “Oh.” And I sheepishly move back to the trackpad. And I know I’m not the only one: I suspect there are many MacBook screens inside Apple Park with fingerprints on them.MacOS and iPad OS feel like two distant celestial bodies — like the Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies — destined to collide in the future. We can already see some of these early collisions — keyboard shortcuts in iPadOS, Catalina’s super lockdown of the Desktop — and while Apple claims they envision two distinct platforms, hardware and software changes. A year ago no one was predicting an Apple-designed scissior-switch keyboard for the iPad, but here I am, typing on it.Is a touch screen on a MacBook so far out of left field that Apple has never even tested it?The iPad Pro and Magic Keyboard are all the proof anyone needs that a keyboard under a touch screen is the best way to compute. Having the best of both worlds is a world without compromise. Apple has spent over a decade perfecting touch screens and touch interfaces — iPhone, iPad, Watch — but you're telling me they can't stick a touch screen onto a Mac?I know it's not as simple as "sticking" a touch screen on, and I know a lot of Mac users worry about the added complexity or sacrifice of having a touch screen on a Mac, so here's what I want to say to the nay-sayers of touchscreens on MacBooks:If you don't want a touchscreen, that's fine, you can choose not to use it. If you use an iPad Pro and Magic Keyboard, you never have to touch the screen if you don't want to (but who doesn't want to?) Forr those of us who want a touchscreen, however, if there isn't one we can't chooseto use it! Telling someone to "go buy an iPad" is a dick reply – I already have an iPad! And I want a touchscreen on my Mac, and wanting a feature that provides greater usability and accessibility shouldn't be disparaged by other Mac users. Don't touch the touch screen if you don't want it — but by not having it, I don't get a choice.While Federighi never says "absolutely never going to happen" about a touch screen Mac, he does play the "shocked and surprised" card really well. Despite what Federighi said in the interview, I can't believe that Apple isn't actively sourcing and experimenting with Mac touchscreens. They have the iPad Pro and Magic Keyboard, so their "ergonomics" argument is lost. And Big Sur is another nail in that coffin, as they've introduced the oversized control center, larger menus, and bigger buttons. And now we're supposed to believe we'll be using iPad apps on our Macs with the WASD keys and a trackpad? C'mon.But if Federighi isn't playing a classic Apple bluff here, and they really have no future plans for a touch screen Mac, well, what's that line that John Gruber likes to use? Oh right, then I'd say Apple is "skating to where the puck was".

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler

By Brandon Butler

iPhone 12 Pro Pacific Blue Review
Fingerprints are part of the aesthetic
November 5, 2020

A few hours after I finished setting up my new iPhone 12 Pro, the fingerprints were everywhere. This is — of course — an Apple device, and fingerprints are part of the aesthetic.
But unlike fingerprints on a screen, which can distract and annoy, the fingerprints on the side of the iPhone aren't easily noticed on the dark — yet shiny — Pacific Blue stainless steel when using it.I'm not sure if it's the color, the new design, or if I'm just running into Apple fans, but I got the "Is that the new iPhone?" question a lot last week. This is arguably one of Apple's most striking visual changes in years, and people are noticing. It's also — I think! — my favorite.The iPhone 12 Pro is one of the nicest looking and nicest feeling phones I've ever used. The Pacific Blue color was a little different from my usual Space Gray or Jet Black color picks, but I quickly became a big fan. I really hope the positive reviews on the Pacific Blue color embolden Apple to be a little more daring with future iPhone colors.I prefer the shiny stainless steel sides of the iPhone 12 Pro to the dull matte finish of the aluminum sides on the iPhone 12, but this isn't my only reason for choosing the iPhone 12 Pro. I needed more than 64 GB of storage, and I wanted the extra RAM, the telephoto camera, and, yeah, the shiny sides. As many reviewers have pointed out already, if you need to upgrade the internal storage of the iPhone 12 from the 64 GB base, the price difference between the two suddenly decreases by quite a lot. At that point, if you're like me with disposable income to waste on a new iPhone every year, you might as well get the Pro.And while the improved camera systems and larger battery of the Pro Max are important to me, the Max size is just too big. Before the pandemic I spent a lot of time in Apple Stores playing with all the different sized phones (and some Androids at Best Buy) and while I like the idea of a 6.7 inch display, I find it's a bit awkward for my hand. I didn't have an opportunity to try the Mini before ordering the iPhone, I did get to pick it up briefly and my initial impressions were very positive.The physical design is really the marquee new feature of the iPhone 12 line this year, and that design, as I've said, is a favorite of mine. It's a callback to the original iPhone 5, with rounded corners contrasted against the squared, flat sides of the body. The Face ID, multi-camera system, and OLED screen are all slightly refined from previous iPhones, but the technological leaps are mostly in the new A14 SoC processor, which most people will never see or think about. According to Geekbench, in the single core test, the iPhone 12 Pro scores 1587 while the three year old iPhone X scores 921. Meanwhile, the Samsung Galaxy S20, Samsung's newest flagship phone with the Qualcomm Snapdragon 865, scores 878 — trailing even the iPhone X. Apple's SoC team is ridiculously good at their job, and I think Tuesday's November event is going to put the current line of Intel CPUs to shame, but I digress. The point is, even the iPhone X remains a powerhouse with a long lifespan, making the iPhone — any iPhone — a good, longterm investment.Let's get into the rest of the phone now:Face ID is still terrible when trying to use Apple Pay or even check a text message while in public. It's not Apple or the phone's fault, it's just the world we're unfortunately living in, and upgrading from a X, XS, or 11 doesn't make the situation any better or worse. Mid-pandemic update: Apple has added the ability for the Apple Watch to unlock an iPhone connected to it. It's a pretty good feature and has made unlocking the phone or using Apple Pay at the store much easier.The three cameras are all improved, and night mode is great, but of course Apple is doing sneaky things with the cameras. If you are in a low light situation and tap the 2x zoom, the iPhone doesn't switch to the telephoto camera. In low light, it digitally zooms the 1x wide camera to 2x zoom. The digital and low light smoothing is so good (algorithms!) you don't even notice the digital zoom happening. (You can test this by covering the 2x zoom lens with your finger when taking a photo at night zoomed to 2x.)Night mode, regardless of Apple's trickery, just keeps getting better. This time around the larger sensor is a major contributing factor to the improved night mode photography, but I'm certain the photo team has been refining the software over the past twelve months as well. Apple's hardware-software one-two combo is what makes the iPhone camera system so incredibly good.Battery life is about as good as the iPhone 11 Pro, although I don't have the ability (or desire) to do strenuous, scientific testing on my battery. I rarely drain the battery on my phones to zero over the course of a day, so I don't know if I'm the best person to listen to when it comes to battery life. I will say that after a year with the iPhone 11 Pro, the battery's max capacity was still at 100% — specifically due to, I think, the Optimized Battery Charging setting. I don't see any reason my iPhone 12 Pro won't have the same result in a year, and I think this is a really underrated aspect of Apple's battery and charging technology. The iPhones are designed to last for years — a lot of people still have iPhone 7 and 8s, and some are even older — but a battery powered device is no good if it can't hold a charge throughout the day. The iPhone's ability to smartly and slowly charge the battery and learn your charging patterns means these phones really can last for years, and that same smart battery technology is built into every iPhone at every price point.And because Pizza Emoji is committed to fully testing and reviewing the iPhone 12 Pro, I also did a few drop tests with the new phone to test the ceramic shield. I can confirm that an iPhone dropped from about a height of three feet onto a pillow will not result in any noticeable damage to the screen. Your results may vary!Okay, let's talk 5G. 5G is one of the most disappointing new features, if we're being honest, on the new iPhone 12 Pro. Verizon and the carriers advertise 1 Gbps or faster speeds on 5G Ultra Wideband, and it's true, but those insane speeds only apply to 5G UW — the short range, outdoor only signal that you can only get in a handful of downtown cities. The vast majority of us won't ever get to use 5G UW anytime soon. 1 Gbps 5G is slightly more than a marketing gimmick. But even so, with only 20 or 30 gigs of monthly bandwith on most cellular plans, why would you burn through all of your data just to download a few movies while standing on a street corner in downtown? Give us data plans to match the 5G UW bandwidth and we'll talk. For us non-street corner loitering folks, the "regular" 5G is even more disappointing. Around town, I'm getting an asynchronous 50 to 60 Mbps with 5G; if I switch to LTE, I get 70 to 80 Mbps. (And, supposedly, better battery, but I'd wait for some serious battery tests for a definitive answer on that). Last week I spent a good deal of time driving around SoCal, streaming music and podcasts but I never noticed the phone's network connection behaving any better compared to the iPhone 11 Pro. Everyone has already said this, but if you're upgrading your phone for 5G, you're upgrading for the wrong reason.I don't have an iPhone 12, so I can't compare and contrast from a first person perspective, and I can't even go to an Apple Store to test it out, but I spent a good deal of time debating internally between which to pre-order a few weeks ago. I'm very happy with my choice, but I think Apple's in a tough spot these days making both the iPhone 12 and the iPhone 12 Pro. On paper and from a stock photography perspective, there's just not enough to differentiate between the two to justify producing two models. Even the price difference is barely notable. I like the Max and the Mini being at the opposite ends of the product line, as they serve two clear and distinct markets, but iPhone-in-the-middle and iPhone-in-the-middle-Pro are just too similar. I'm also not a fan of the Pro moniker at all, but I guess Apple's committed to it.Naming aside, the iPhone 12 mini, iPhone 12, iPhone 12 Pro, and iPhone 12 Pro Max are the gold standard for smartphone design, performance, and quality. The iPhone 12 Pro in this stunning Pacific Blue finish is my current favorite iPhone ever (replacing the iPhone 5 and the Jet Black iPhone 7 as the previous top contenders). Coupled with the iPhone SE 2, there's a current-generation iPhone for everyone, at any size, price, or color. The iPhone stands as one of the most powerful consumer commuting devices ever made, and the iPhone 12 Pro is the best iPhone Apple has ever made. If you need, want, or crave the best new smartphone, the iPhone 12 Pro is the phone to buy.

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler

By Brandon Butler

The Last of Us Part II Review
A tedious, abrasive, but visually stunning story of revenge
July 25, 2020

Warning: Spoilers for The Last of Us Part II follow.There’s a point in The Last of Us Part II where Ellie needs a woman to provide her with information about Abby, the person she’s been pursuing across the city of Seattle. The woman is choking on spores in a hallway and will be dead in a matter of hours, but she tells Ellie she won’t give up her friend.Ellie says, “I can make it quick, or I can make it so much worse.”A metal pipe is clenched in Ellie’s hand, but the woman is defiant. At this point, the camera cuts to Ellie’s face; anger flashes in her eyes, her breathing intensifies, she grits her teeth. The game prompts the player to press Square. When the player pushes the button, Ellie strikes the woman with the pipe. The prompt to press Square returns, and so the player again pushes the button. Ellie strikes the woman a second time with the pipe. Ellie’s face is splattered with the woman’s blood, and the Square button prompt returns once more. The player presses the button, Ellie swings the pipe, a scream, and the game cuts to black.It’s a violent, terrible way to die, and it’s a violent, terrible way to kill someone. Even in a video game.And I didn’t want to press Square. There are many points in this game where I don’t want to do what Ellie is doing. Ellie does terrible things to every person she encounters in this game, including her friends, but especially her enemies.Sequels are rarely what we want. We think we want a part two, but as is so often the case, the sequel is a disappointment. And we’re partially to blame for that disappointment: we spend months and years speculating and envisioning all the ways we want that sequel to play out, the character arcs, the settings, the major and minor story points. But in The Last of Us Part II, Naughty Dog takes Ellie into such a grim and cruel place that I struggled to find anything redeeming about the character or story by the end of the game. This wasn’t the version of Ellie I wanted to spend my nights and weekends with, and I’m upset by this terrible journey Ellie’s been on and everything that’s been taken from her.This was not the same girl from just four years ago who I traveled across the country with, stopping to hear bad jokes and watching her watch grazing giraffes in awe and wonder. In the final flashback of the game, of the night prior to the inciting incident, Ellie tells Joel she wished he hadn't saved her in that Salt Lake City hospital, so that a vaccine could be developed and her life — and death — could have purpose. Days later she leaves for Seattle to enact revenge. Ellie's blind rage is a character flaw so great that it devours the character and everything good along with it. If anything, Ellie's character arc changes from a girl with depth and desires and feelings and needs into an undeveloped comic book villain from the 60's, just another cookie-cutter bad guy. The problem with the main character in a video game being a cookie-cutter villain is it makes for a boring main character.Working through this game was a slog; the game felt tedious and overly long. The constant gray skies and rain didn’t help the exhaustion. Part of that exhaustion is replaying the game as Abby, Ellie’s new antagonist. Abby could be likable if not for her own story of revenge (take a number). The player assumes control of Abby immediately after she kills Ellie’s friend, and it is a jarring and difficult transition. It took me a long time to get to a point where I found a type of forgiveness for Abby. But Naughty Dog builds Abby on a worn out formula, and while the game likes to remind the player that Abby is a layered and flawed character, it never gives the player an opportunity to decide that for themselves. Even less is learned about her stereotypical friends, who come off as nauseatingly charming right from the start and are cannon fodder for Ellie’s rampage. They help to reveal nothing about Abby, and then they die. Abby's companion through most of Part II is Lev, and I feel like we get a better idea of who he is on their journey together. I was honestly moved by his story, his loss, and his bravery. But Lev isn't driven by revenge, his motivation in the beginning is love. It's a stark and refreshing contrast to Abby's cold blooded golf club torture and murder. I wonder if she ever tells Lev about the cabin in Wyoming, and I wonder how he'd react. Someone tell me when the Lev DLC is coming. (It's not?! What's the matter, Naughty Dog, you guys just don't like money?)By the time the player is back in control of Ellie, for the extended epilogue of an already too long game, Ellie’s setting out to slaughter more dudes. Again, these are the actions of someone I just don't recognize, and the only reason I can find for Ellie to set off again is to keep the game going. By the time Ellie can finally confront Abby, they’re both weak and nearly dead. And here’s the final spoiler of the game, so last warning — Ellie doesn’t kill Abby. Ellie has killed dozens of people by now — militia and cultists and biker dudes — to get to Abby, but she can’t take just one more life. I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation. With Abby nearly dead, after tracking her up and down the West Coast, fighting off monsters and Infected, Ellie just lets her go. For the final, final epilogue in the game, Ellie returns home only to realize that she’s lost everything.While the ending of the first game left players with many questions and interpretations, it provided closure for Joel, and by extension, the player. During the final hike together, Joel talks openly about his daughter with Ellie for the first time. It's taken Joel twenty years, but he's finally starting to heal from that unthinkable night in Texas. But Part II just keeps taking things from Ellie. She never gets the chance to come to terms with her loss, or her grief, or her PTSD attacks, and because of that I don't think the player gets that chance, either. It's a tough ending that doesn't sit well with me. While I have no doubt Part III will try to wrap up these loose feelings, I don't think it's good storytelling to force your audience to wait six years for closure.Technically, gameplay hasn’t changed at all from the original, with enemy encounters feeling mostly reused from the previous game. Crouch, sneak, press Triangle. You either enjoy it or you don't. I enjoy the scavenging and being forced to try different tactics to conserve ammo or use weapons I'm not particularly fond of using, but there's not a lot of variety in the setups. Some dudes are patrolling an area, usually one will walk out of sight of the others, you send an arrow into his head, rinse and repeat. Ellie and Abby are visually different and use a slightly different set of weapons, but the tactics and techniques you learn for Ellie are identical for Abby. Even Mario and Luigi have different run and jump styles in most Mario Bros. games, so I'm disappointed the woman's physics are essentially a copy and paste job. Sometimes the stealth system was a little persnickety when it comes to hiding from enemies, and I found the dogs highly unpredictable and buggy. Hopefully future patches can iron these little illusion-breakers out.Visually, there’s nothing wrong with this game. Cutscenes are rendered beautifully and the detail of the models — even on an eight year old console — are some of the best I’ve seen on a PS4. Eyes look wet and life-like, and faces carry so much expression that it’s easy to see actors Ashley Johnson and Laura Bailey in their performances of Ellie and Abby, respectively. And I don't want to gloss over the performances: from the voice acting to the motion capture to the animation and modeling, the artistry on display here is extraordinary. I grew up playing with pixels and I'm now walking along roads on horseback with actual living, breathing people — or at least my brain wants to believe these collections of polygons and audio files are real people. It's funny how real Ellie and Joel and Tommy and Abby and Lev and Sarah are (or were) to me, and ironically it's this attention to realism, the performances from this amazing cast and animators, that make me care so much about Ellie that I find the story of The Last of Us Part II so damn polarizing.The Last of Us Part II is a tedious and abrasive story of revenge. The game is a visually stunning masterpiece but lacks all the heart and soul of the original. While Ellie's actions often feel as if they're needed simply to keep the game's plot moving, there's no atonement or return home for either Ellie or Abby, and the journey of the hero is left unfulfilled. This story takes everything from Ellie and leaves the player with less. It's not just a sequel I didn’t want to play, it’s also a bad sequel.

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler

By Brandon Butler

The Blue Shell — The Worst Item in Mario Kart
A design failure that can't be fixed
September 1, 2019

The third game of the 2017 Nintendo World Championships was Mario Kart 8 Deluxe for the Nintendo Switch, the latest in Nintendo’s long-running, turtle shell throwing, mushroom boosting, banana dropping, power sliding, kart racing series. The first race was 50cc Mount Wario, with the slower speed class chosen to possibly throw off the competitors who were more likely accustomed to the faster cups.By the end of the first leg of the race, the top four racers had settled into their placements, with “Kyle W” taking a commanding lead in first. The commenters attempted to keep the race exciting with their commentary but the skilled racers kept red turtle shells at bay by holding defensive banana peels behind their karts. It was, from a spectator’s viewpoint, a somewhat boring race (not surprising given the slow speed class).But then, with “Kyle W” seconds from the finish line, the notorious Blue Shell made its appearance and the commenters lost their collective minds. “Oh! But here comes the Blue Shell! Here it comes!” they excitedly shouted while talking over each other. The Blue Shell, fired from a racer in last place, flew quickly down the track, honing in on the racer in first. With nothing but coins in hand, the Blue Shell exploded over “Kyle W’s” kart, but the experienced racer mitigated the majority of the hit by purposely driving off the track. This tactic allows for slightly less downtime as opposed to a direct hit from the shell, and in Mario Kart, every second counts. As "Kyle W" is moved back into place by Lakitu, the commenters question if the second place driver now has a chance to take the lead. However, “Kyle W” recovers quickly and it’s clear the Blue Shell had no significant effect on the match. “Kyle W” crossed the finish line with his closest opponent seconds behind him — an eternity in a 50cc Mario Kart race.As anyone who’s played a Mario Kart game knows, running across question blocks and strategically using items is an essential part of winning a race. Good driving skill will get you near the top, but skillfully fired shells and stratigically held bananas will get you into first. The Blue Shell, however, is something of a unique case.The Blue Shell (sometimes referred to as the Spiny Shell) first appeared in Mario Kart 64, the second game in the Mario Kart series. The Blue Shell acts as a long distance homing missile, locking onto the player in first place and exploding on impact, causing the player’s kart to spin out and stop moving for a few seconds. The Blue Shell is only obtained from the question blocks by racers in or near last place.The Blue Shell’s original design purpose, according to Hideki Konno, the director of Super Mario Kart and Mario Kart 64, was to keep a tight race right up to the finish line by keeping everyone tightly clumped together. However, the Blue Shell is failing at its original objective. As the Nintendo World Championships this year clearly demonstrated, and as you can experience for yourself by playing online or watching the Pros race on Twitch, the Blue Shell is ineffective at keeping a race close.The Blue Shell has many problems in its design and implementation in the Mario Kart series, but crucially, the Blue Shell doesn’t benefit the racer who fired it. The last place racer who gets a Blue Shell can’t see what items the first place racer is holding (Super Horn, Mushroom), so they can’t see if the hit will be successful. But it never matters to them, because firing the Blue Shell doesn’t change the race for that player. Is their kart suddenly faster? Can they no longer fall off the track? Are they transported to the point of impact in first place? No. The player firing the Blue Shell remains in last place. The Blue Shell may have helped second or third place pull ahead, but it’s a blank for last place. You, as the last place racer, may get a good laugh when you see the kart spin out on the mini-map, but — bad news — you’ve still lost the race. Any item would be more advantageous to have in last place than a Blue Shell for a racer hoping to make a comeback.Second, the Blue Shell is a skill-less item. Most items, from the Red Shells to the Lightning Bolt, still require some sort of skill to effectively utilize them. You can’t blindly fire off a Red Shell, you’re more likely to hit a banana peel, and the effectiveness of the Bolt is dependent upon your ability to drive and drift past the slow, tiny racers. Firing a Blue Shell requires about as much skill as pushing a button on your controller.Which brings me to point three: It doesn’t matter your placement in the race, the Blue Shell makes the game less fun for everyone. No one in last place wants to get it, as it does nothing to help them, and no one wants to be hit by one, as it feels cheap and undeserved. Isn’t the point of the game to have fun?The director of Mario Kart 7 and 8, Kosuke Yabuki, has said about the Blue Shell: "You know, sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes in life you have something where you feel that’s not right, and that’s frustrating." I agree, but Mario Kart is not life. Mario Kart is a game created by people who have the ability to make games that are both balanced and fun. When the Blue Shell hits the player in first on the last turn of the last lap, and the next three racers fly past her across the finish line, the designers have deliberately created a situation in a game that is not fair and is not fun.The Extra Credits video "The Blue Shell — Why Mario Kart’s Most Hated Item Exists,” posits that being in first place the entire game, and thus not being able to interact with other players or items, isn’t very fun. By being hit by a Blue Shell and knocked back into second or third place, these players are now having more fun. While true that Mario Kart’s best items are usually found by racers in 4th to 12th place, the challenge of holding first place can be equally enjoyable. And I’d argue that being knocked out of first by someone in twelfth never feels fun. Just an unearned knock.In Entertainment Weekly, Kevin Sullivan argues that the Blue Shell keeps the game fun, preventing you from coasting to an easy victory, and giving you “the edge you need to come back from the bottom.” But the Blue Shell does none of this. Releasing your first Blue Shell is fun until you realize, “Well damn, I’m still losing.” But being hit by one? Let me ask you: Has your console of choice ever crashed during a boss fight? Has you PC ever blue screened just before the next auto-save? Did the wifi ever go out when your online team was closing in on victory? That’s the same level of fun as getting hit by a Blue Shell on the last lap of the race. This “edge” to climb back from last isn’t the Blue Shell — it’s a Starman, Golden Mushroom, Lightning Bolt, and good drifting.So what do you do if there's a Blue Shell headed in your direction? If it was recently fired, then there's a good chance it hasn't locked onto you yet — it's simply working its way to the front of the pack. If your opponents are close behind, hit the brakes — then follow behind at a safe distance. Once the shell explodes, cruise on back to first. If you have a pretty good lead on the competition, or the shell is already locked onto you, steer into a banana peel or other obstacle. Your kart will spin out, but a spin out is less time consuming than a full on explosion that stops your kart for a second or two. If you don't see a banana peel or shell, follow Kyle W's example and drive off a nearby ledge.There’s no single item in Mario Kart that can equalize two players of unequal driving skill, at least not one which will be fun and fair for both players. A racer who knows the tracks, knows the shortcuts, and knows how to drift is at a massive advantage before the race ever begins. The design team of Mario Kart 64 attempted to fix a problem with the original Super Mario Kart by designing an all new item. They failed. Later iterations of the series have continued to try and continued to fail to fix the Blue Shell, because this isn’t an item that can be fixed.The Blue Shell is attempting to fix a problem without a solution.Throughout human history there has always been a last place. If you were last place in the Stone Age you were eaten. If you’re last place in Mario Kart, your character cries after crossing the finish line. I'm certain Nintendo would like everyone to finish first in a perfect 12-way tie, but that's just not how a racing game works. When a red shell or fireball hits me, that hit feels earned — it came from an opponent directly behind me, fighting me for first.But a shot from last place? It feels cheap, unearned. As racers zoom past, it feels like the race has been stolen. It's a bad feeling. And the racer who fired the Blue Shell is still losing. Future Mario Kart games have plenty of design space for new items, tracks, karts, and characters, but game design can't fix a difference in skill level. The Blue Shell was an attempt to equalize players of varying skill — a design that has repeatedly failed — and it’s long past time to retire the Blue Shell from the Mario Kart series.

Pizza Emoji © 2023 Brandon Butler