by Brandon Butler
Privacy  

Last updated November 7th, 2020.

Your Data, Not Mine

I am highly respectful of your privacy. I’ve done everything I can to limit the data I collect from you while still being able to understand the traffic to my site. I use an analytics program called Matomo to collect some very basic data. Here’s what I’m doing to protect your privacy on Pizza Emoji:

  • I’m not collecting any personally identifiable information
  • I’m not storing cookies on your device
  • The last octet of IP addresses are anonymized
  • I have no knowledge of how you got here or where you’re going
  • All analytic data is collected and stored on Pizza Emoji’s servers
  • No data is shared with anyone, ever

So, what’s the point of analytics then? Well, I want a better idea of two things: what is being read on the site and how the site is being accessed (OS, browser, that sort of thing). This information is useful as it helps me understand my audience as a whole, but doesn’t let me identify you individually. I don’t have any financial incentive to know who you are, but more so, I don’t have any right to pry into your life.

Pizza Emoji doesn’t ever ask for your information; there are no comments, no e-commerce, not even a Which Disney Princess Are You Quiz. If you choose to voluntarily email or message me I’ll retain the message for some unspecific amount of time but I won’t share it unless you say it’s okay to do so, or you’re threatening to hurt someone, or some other reason I may need to call an adult.

The other sites that Pizza Emoji links to are going to have their own data collection and privacy policies, and, let’s be real, are probably tracking you. If you’re on a Mac or iOS device, the best defense is to use Safari and a content blocker.

Additionally, for only $4,999 per month, I offer a special Pizza Emoji Dead Drop, where I will print out the previous month’s posts and leave them in that trash can under that bridge. You know the one. It’s the most anonymous, most private, and most Cold War-era way to browse Pizza Emoji, and I think you’re going to love it.

Let’s Agree to Agree

When you visit Pizza Emoji, you’re visiting a website that may contain bugs or other computer errors. You’re on this site, just like the rest of the web, at your own risk — although I’m not really sure what kind of risk Pizza Emoji represents. I also really try to ensure that the sites I’m linking to are safe, but I can’t even guarantee that the NSA hasn’t tampered with my web server, let alone the rest of the web. When you click a link, you’re leaving the warm security of melted cheese on bread — I recommend a comfy chair, common sense, and a content blocker.

And please: do not Pizza Emoji while driving or operating heavy machinery. Yup, I did what you’re not supposed to do to your brand: I used it as a verb. There goes my trademark.